We were really puzzled about what was going on. Why would he struggle so much about something as trivial as taking off his shirt. It only takes one second for Pete's sake. Each crying episode often ended with daddy holding him tight and mommy took his shirt off by force. It was not easy. Sethan would hold on to his shirt, or his shirt sleeves very hard and cried like we were imposing immense pain on him. Each time we would praise him by pouring all kinds of compliments we could think of after the shirt had been taken off. It was no use. Later we started threatening him "if you don't let mommy/daddy take your shirt off, mommy is going to use force"...It was no use. A few times, he wouldn't let go of his shirt even after the shirt had been take off. We had to have him take the shirt with him into the tub.
After a week, his daddy was totally exhausted and started telling him that he would get time out if he didn't cooperate. And so the time-out sessions started. It lasted about 3-4 days. We put him in the crib and walked away. We told him that once he would take his shirt off, time-out would end. The first few times was very hard. Sethan not only cried, he tried to climb out of the crib. Thank goodness he couldn't. After one or two times, he quickly started creating diversions. He would say things like "read me this xyz book and then I will take my shirt off", "mommy hold me for one min and I will take my shirt off", "I want to give my sisters a kiss and I will take my shirt off". We didn't give in.
It was very difficult because he would cry for 20-30 minutes sometimes. Our neighbor could have thought there was some kind of child abuse going on.
One day at bath time, Sethan was again refusing to take his shirt off. I said to him, "Sethan, do you know what you will get if you don't take your shirt off? " He looked at me, paused hard for a few seconds, and murmured "time out".
-"do you want time out"
-"no"
- "do you want to take your shirt off"
- "no"
- "then daddy is going to take you to get time out"
- "no"
- "do you want to take your shirt off then"
- "no"
....
the conversation went back and forth a few times. I tried to remain calm and made my voice none threatening. Instead, I tried to speak like I was stating a simple fact. Sethan was getting increasingly paranoid about the prospect of time-out, as his daddy took his hand and started walking him to his room.
Suddenly Sethan raised both of his arms high in the air and said "take my shirt off". And we did! We were head-over-toe excited. Of course, we again poured all kinds of praise words over him. He seemed happy too.
After that day, Sethan's problems seem to have gone away, if not completely, but almost. Other tantrums episodes are less too. When he's misbehaving, we'd ask him THE questin: what would you get if you don't behave? He would say "time-out" and he would amazingly start behaving.
Now I almost feel sympathetic toward him because he would correct himself so fast when we ask him the question.
The pros of time-out: We got what we wanted: a better behaving child
The cons: my poor little Sethan. He's not even two years old and has to live a life in which threats and consequences loom at large.
